Have I Got A Gambling Problem

4/10/20224/10/2022

I Got A Gambling Problem
Have I Got A Gambling Problem Without
Have I Got A Gambling Problem Solving
Have I Got A Gambling Problem Involving

10 Common Lies Compulsive Gamblers Tell

STUFF GOT WEIRD! - Duration: 8:26. I HAVE A GAMBLING PROBLEM NOW!! - Duration: 18:49. Harley Morenstein Recommended for you. Language: English Location: United States Restricted Mode: Off. I've told her look I've not told anyone this yet including my GP and I am telling you in the strictest confidence as I am not sure exactly what position it leaves me in regards to work, but I've got a gambling problem and have since around 6 months into my job, it's ruined my life I'm depressed living back at home with my mum and in serious. Some people have quipped that the only hassle gamblers have is dropping. Would that it become that easy. Fixing problem gambling involves lots greater than simply finding a triumphing system or having a fortunate streak, because a gambling problem is a deep seated state of affairs that involves a lot extra than simply losing a.

If you’re living with a compulsive gambler, you’re already familiar with the never-ending cycle of lies, half-truths, and deliberate distortion of facts. But if you haven’t yet confirmed (but do suspect) that your spouse or partner has a gambling addiction, look carefully at his or her behavior patterns for signs that gambling has become more than just a casual occurrence. Compulsive lying is one of the symptoms of compulsive or pathological gamblers. These gamblers are addicted to gambling, and lying becomes second nature to them. What are some of the common lies compulsive gamblers tell? Read on.

#1: I don’t have a gambling problem.

Anyone who flat-out denies they have a gambling problem, despite evidence to the contrary, is either well on their way to full-blown gambling addiction or is already there. By the time someone is deep into gambling, their behavior becomes consistent and predictable. They will do anything and say anything to get to their primary goal: gambling. That they stretch the truth or tell outright lies is an understatement. Gambling addicts, even after disastrous losses, bankruptcy and financial ruin, legal problems, deteriorating family and personal relationships, will often steadfastly maintain that they don’t have a gambling problem.

Denial is a coping mechanism the compulsive gambler uses to attempt to mask his or her problem. By hoping to keep the truth from coming out, the gambler tries to buy time – time he or she uses to keep on gambling. Thus, there’s self-denial and denial to others. Both types of denial are symptoms of many kinds of addiction, not just gambling addiction. The more a person swears they don’t have a problem – gambling or alcohol or drugs or other addictive behavior – the more likely it is that they do.

Lie #2: I can stop anytime I want.

Confronting a compulsive gambler – calling him or her on the indisputable facts that indicate gambling has become an addictive behavior – will usually generate this kind of lie in response. The gambler cannot admit to you or him/her self that there’s a problem, number one, and, number two, if that doesn’t work, he or she will profess vehemently that stopping is no problem. To prove it, the compulsive gambler may even stay away from the casino, sports book, Internet gaming, or track for a short period of time.

But the lure of cashing in on the big score, snagging the elusive prize is too great. Before long, the compulsive gambler is right back at it. He or she simply cannot resist the temptation. The urge to gamble has become a craving that gnaws incessantly on the consciousness. To ignore the craving is to suffer – and the compulsive gambler only wants the high that comes from gambling.

Lie #3: My gambling doesn’t hurt anyone.

Most addicts believe – some, even sincerely – that their addiction doesn’t hurt anyone. Some even believe their addiction doesn’t even hurt them. It’s just as true with compulsive gambling as addiction to alcohol, illicit drugs, prescription drugs used nonmedically, or other addictive behavior including compulsive sex, overwork, eating disorders, and so on. In fact, gambling addiction, like all addictions, is considered a family disease/disorder. What happens when one individual in the family is addicted impacts all members of the family.

What kinds of harm does this potentially involve? Depending on the length of time the individual has been gambling, and the other addictions the person may also have, the damage may be extensive. Compulsive gamblers often are addicted to alcohol, nicotine, or other harmful substances. This can result in physical deterioration to the addict as well as mental and emotional difficulties: cognitive impairment, difficulty concentrating, loss of memory, explosive rage, extreme mood swings, depression, psychosis, and thoughts of suicide, among others.

Dealing with the effects of gambling addiction, the family suffers right along with the gambler. As gambling takes up more and more of the individual’s life, taking care of family responsibilities becomes less important. Many gamblers lose their home, go bankrupt, get arrested for various crimes (embezzlement, fraud, theft, violence, DUIs, etc.), lose their job or source of income, become violent and abusive to family members, lose their families. As a unit, the family often disintegrates. In fact, without treatment, compulsive gambling is a downward spiral that has, at its final stage, a predictable outcome for the individual: prison, commitment to a mental institution, or death.

Lie #4: I didn’t go gambling.

Meeting the gambler at the door and asking where he or she was is like asking for the inevitable lie: I didn’t go gambling. What else can the compulsive gambler say? Admitting that he or she went gambling is tantamount to admitting loss of control, an inability to set and keep boundaries, and a refusal to keep a promise. If there’s the smell of alcohol and the individual reeks of cigarette smoke or there are other telltale signs of substance use – and you know the person has a history of gambling – hearing the denial will only add fuel to the fire.

You know it’s an outright lie. Confrontation isn’t the way to deal with it. At least, it’s not the solution right now. You need to pick your time for the discussion, and it needs to be when the compulsive gambler is rational, calm, and able to carry on a conversation about the situation in a normal manner.

Lie #5: I have my gambling under control.

If you are the partner or spouse who relies on the compulsive gambler to take care of the bills and other financial responsibilities in the household, you may be tempted to believe this lie. He or she has unrestricted access to the checking and savings accounts, credit cards, lines of credit and other avenues. If, on the other hand, you are the one who controls the purse strings, so to speak, and you constantly give in to the requests for money, you are enabling the compulsive gambler to continue with his or her addictive behavior. You are complicit, codependent, and have just magnified the problem by making it easier for the compulsive gambler to continue.

When someone says they have their gambling under control, they are lying not only to you but also to themselves. A person who only buys a Lotto ticket once in a while will never make this statement. Someone who goes to the track daily, or can’t go by the casino without going in and gambling for hours, maxing out the ATM withdrawals, badgering friends for cash, is very likely to utter these words – and probably more than just a few times. After a while, they just aren’t believable anymore. And the evidence will mount to prove just how big a lie it is.

Lie #6: I didn’t touch our savings.

Desperation sets in the longer the compulsive gambler engages in the addictive behavior. Why is this? While the gambler may initially (in the early stages of gambling behavior) have some wins, the odds are literally stacked against him or her. Sooner or later, the house always wins. It doesn’t matter if the form of gambling is at an actual casino, or sports betting, or Internet gaming, the gambler’s luck eventually runs out.

But the gambler is convinced it’s only a temporary setback. If he or she just keeps gambling, the luck will return. There’s always the big score, the huge payout, just around the corner. All that’s needed is the infusion of cash.

Where to get the cash? Gamblers will rob savings accounts, jockey funds back and forth, hide the passbook or bank statements, and delay the inevitable – all in the futile attempt to keep you from the truth. If you hear your partner or spouse say he or she didn’t touch your savings, you’d better check it out with the bank yourself. Chances are this is just another lie the compulsive gambler tells you.

Lie #7: You won’t believe what happened…

The more deep in debt the compulsive gambler gets – and there’s no way around the fact that this will occur – the more elaborate and exaggerated the lies and stories he or she begins to concoct. There’ll be the robbery that occurred as he or she was depositing money in the bank – and now everything’s gone. Or someone stole his or her wallet and now the credit cards are gone. There may have been an unbelievable investment opportunity and it had a limited window, so he or she had to jump in now or lose the chance… All this and more will come out of the compulsive gambler’s mouth as a way to explain what happened to your money.

If you hear the words: You won’t believe what happened… don’t believe it. No matter how convincing it sounds, it’s likely a lie.

Lie #8: My friend was in trouble and needed money.

This lie is an evergreen one that almost every compulsive gambler uses on more than one occasion. In fact, it’s so common that it’s nearly predictable that you will hear it sooner or later. Certainly there are times when your spouse or partner’s friends may be in trouble. Who doesn’t have such an experience? But when your partner is a compulsive gambler, you have reason to be suspicious. Naturally, you want to give someone you care about the benefit of the doubt, but after falling for this lie time and time again, you’re again only enabling the addictive behavior to continue.

The story about a friend being in trouble and needing money fast also falls into the lie category of you won’t believe what happened. Elaborate, exaggerated, and preposterous stories – all lies – are part and parcel of the compulsive gambler’s repertoire.

Lie #9: You can trust me now.

Trust is a fragile thing. Once you lose trust in another individual, it’s very hard to ever trust that person again. The closer you are to the person, especially if you are married or live with him or her, the more difficult it is to re-establish trust once it’s lost.

Compulsive gamblers need to be able to continue their addictive behavior. In order to do that, they either have to have a complicit or codependent partner, or they have to convince whomever they need to in order to continue to gain access to cash. Friends will eventually see through the lies and refuse to lend any more money to the gambler. After all, this money is rarely, if ever, repaid. They know it’s going for gambling, despite the lies the gambler tells. They gradually avoid the gambler, refusing to take his or her calls, quickly finding an excuse to leave if approached. There’s no trust there now.

But when you live with the compulsive gambler, have a relationship that’s lasted for some period of time, even have children with the gambler – you have a vested interest in maintaining the relationship. You obviously care for (or have cared for) the person. Your heart breaks over what’s been happening as your loved one slides deeper into gambling addiction. Time and time again, you’ve given in and accepted the lies. You’ve told yourself that it’s only a phase, or it’s not that bad, or he or she will outgrow it. Who’s lying to whom now?

Trust is earned through action. Trust is not gained through words. If your partner or spouse says you can trust him or her now, say that it will take time and action – getting treatment, quitting gambling – for you to again be able to place your trust in him/her.

Lie #10: I’ll never gamble again.

The compulsive gambler will tell you what you want to hear – even though it’s a lie. Usually, when you hear the person swear that he or she will never gamble again, it’s after a particularly disastrous loss, arrest, legal entanglement, loss of a job, or other serious consequence.

Instead of letting the lie go unchallenged, you will need to take a stand. Will you continue to put up with this addiction? What are your options? Only you can decide how you will handle your spouse or partner’s gambling addiction. While you certainly can’t force someone else – even one you love dearly – to quit gambling, you can decide how you are going to live your own life. You need to tell this individual how his or her gambling has hurt you and the family, how much you care about the person and want him/her to get help to overcome this situation. You can choose not to involve yourself in his/her behavior. No more lying to friends, family, employer or others about your partner’s gambling. No more excuses. No more looking the other way when the signs and consequences of mounting gambling debt are all around you.

If and when your spouse or partner is ready to admit to the problem and genuinely wants to get treatment to overcome gambling addiction, then you may begin to see a glimmer of hope on the horizon. The words alone shouldn’t convince you. In order for them to have meaning, they need to be backed up by action. Your spouse/partner needs to go into treatment.

You can help by looking into available treatment facilities, either residential treatment facility for gambling addiction or outpatient treatment facilities. Remember that the gambling addict has to want to change in order for change to have a chance. He or she will need professional help in order to overcome his/her addiction. With treatment, not only will the addict learn about the disease of addiction, but he or she will also learn how to avoid triggers and learn and practice coping behaviors to prevent relapse. Part of the gambling addiction treatment process will be to identify the underlying reasons why compulsive gambling is so attractive and to work on overcoming those urges.

If the gambler is adamant about not getting treatment but still maintains he or she will never gamble again, there’s nothing you can do about it – for him or her. But there is something you can do for you. Attend Gam-Anon meetings. These are 12-step fellowship groups whose purpose is to help those family members and friends of gambling addicts cope with the situation. You cannot change the gambler, but you can change how you interact with the gambler and change your behaviors so that you are not enabling the gambling to continue.

Bottom line: When you’ve had enough of the lies, you must make a choice. If you set limits, be sure that you’re willing to enforce them. Don’t make a statement that you’re not able to back up. If you say that you will leave the compulsive gambler if he/she doesn’t get help, you’d better be ready to go through with it. Again, what you do is very much your choice. But you don’t have to try to wade through the emotional minefield on your own. Get help and support from others in your situation.

Will the lies ever stop? The good news is that gambling addiction is treatable. If your spouse or partner seeks and completes treatment and attends 12-step meetings (such as Gamblers Anonymous) in recovery, with your support and encouragement (and your own Gam-Anon meeting attendance), there’s a very good possibility that compulsive lies – and compulsive gambling – will become a thing of the past.

This leaflet is provided by the Royal College of Psychiatrists, the professional body responsible for education, training, setting and raising standards in psychiatry. They also provide readable, user-friendly and evidence-based information on various mental health problems.

Problem Gambling

Is it a problem for me?

Answer 'yes' or 'no' to each of these 10 questions:

What is problem gambling?

This is defined as gambling that disrupts or damages personal, family or recreational pursuits.

How common is problem gambling?

Many of us like to place the odd bet or play the lottery - but it’s only a problem for about 9 people in every 1,000. However, a further 70 people out of every 1,000 gamble at risky levels that can become a problem in the future.

Who is most likely to get this problem?

Across the world it seems to be common:

In men - but this might just be because women gamble less than men.
In teenagers and young adults - but problems of this sort can start at any age. Children as young as 7 may find it difficult to control the amount of time they spend on computer games. Older people may have too much time on their hands.
If someone else in your family - particularly one of your parents - is a problem gambler. This may be partly due to genes but can be learnt - by seeing a parent gamble or being taught to gamble by them.
In people who work in casinos, betting shops or amusement arcades.
In certain types of gambling:
- Internet gambling
- Video poker
- Dice games
- Playing sports for money
- High-risk stocks
- Roulette
If you drink heavily or use illegal drugs.
If you have depression, anxiety or bipolar disorder (manic depression).

How do you lose control of your gambling?

You may gamble:

To forget about responsibilities.
To feel better when you feel depressed or sad.
To fill your time when bored (especially if not working).
When you drink or use drugs.
When you get angry with others - or yourself.

Or, you may have:

Started gambling early - some people start as young as 7 or 8.
Never been able to control your gambling.
One or both parents who are problem gamblers.

Potential harms associated with problem gambling

Problem gamblers are more likely than other people to experience the following harms:

Financial harms: overdue utility bills; borrowing from family friends and loan sharks; debts; pawning or selling possessions; eviction or repossession; defaults; committing illegal acts like fraud, theft, embezzlement to finance gambling; bankruptcy; etc ...
Family harms: preoccupied with gambling so normal family life becomes difficult; increased arguments over money and debts; emotional and physical abuse, neglect and violence towards spouse/partner and/or children; relationship problems and separation/divorce.
Health harms: low self-esteem; stress-related disorders; anxious, worried or mood swings; poor sleep and appetite; substance misuse; depression, suicidal ideas and attempts; etc.
School/college/work harms: poor school, college or work performance; increased absenteeism; expulsion or dismissal.

Should I stop gambling or try to control it?

The first thing is to decide to get help - you can then work out whether you are ready to stop or just want to control your gambling better. Many people just want to control their gambling, but then decide to stop completely.

Looking for a counsellor?

Video appointments with qualified counsellors are now available in Patient Access

Steps to reduce gambling - helping yourself

Although there is no substitute for professional help, here are some simple and practical measures to reduce gambling:

1. Limit the amount of money you spend gambling

Set a limit from the start on how much you are willing to spend on gambling in a session or in a week. Stick to it!
Leave credit/cash cards at home when you go out to gamble.
If you use a betting account, ask them to place a limit on it - say £50 - this works for online casinos too!
On pay day, aim to pay all your priority debts first (mortgage, rent, council tax, food, etc ...).

2. Reduce the amount of time and days that you gamble

Set yourself a limit on how many times a week you will gamble (eg, twice a week) - be specific and name the days.
Avoid those 'I'll just have a quick go' scenarios.
You can set your alarm on your watch or phone to remind you - even your PC will have a calendar reminder alert you can use.

I Got A Gambling Problem

3. Don't view gambling as a way of making money

Always remember that you are buying entertainment.
Always be prepared to lose - if you win, know that it will happen by chance.
Never spend your savings or investments on gambling.
Ask friends and family not to lend you money if you ask them.

4. Spend time doing other activities

Spend more time with family or friends.
Take up a new hobby or interest or revisit one that you enjoyed before gambling took over.
Join a social group or organise events with friends who don't gamble.
Talk to others about your worries or concerns rather than 'bottling' them up.

Where can I get help?

All of the following provide free support to help you cut down or stop gambling (see below for contact details):

NHS: the CNWL National Problem Gambling Clinic in London has doctors, nurses, therapists, psychologists, debt counsellors and family therapists with special experience in helping problem gamblers.
Gamcare - runs the national HelpLine and its online equivalent, the NetLine, to offer help and support for people with a gambling problem, their family and friends. GamCare also provides face-to-face online counselling in many parts of the UK.
The Gordon Moody Association - a charity which provides treatment and housing for problem gamblers.
The 12 step meetings of Gamblers Anonymous.
Gamanon: groups for relatives of problem gamblers.

What sort of help is there?

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)

Research has shown that cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can:

Reduce the number of days a person gambles.
Reduce the amount of money they lose.
Help a gambler to stay away from gambling once they have stopped.

How does CBT work?
If you are a problem gambler, you will think differently from other people about your betting. You will tend to believe that:

You are more likely to win than you would expect by chance.
In a game with random numbers, like roulette, certain numbers are more likely to come up than others.
Winning twice in a row means that you are on a 'winning streak' - so you bet larger and larger sums.
You are more likely to win at a game of chance if you are familiar with it.
Certain rituals can bring you luck.
Having lost, you can somehow win back your losses by gambling more.

How does CBT compare with other treatments?
We don’t know yet - there have not been enough large studies to be clear about this.

12 step programmes

This is an approach which assumes that a dependence on drink or gambling is a disease, and that the best people to support you are those who have had similar experiences. Regular meetings are held in which people can share the problems they have had and the ways in which they have overcome them. They also have a 'buddy' system, where each member has another member whom they can contact if they feel that they are about to drink or gamble again. The 12 Step Fellowship, Gamblers Anonymous, offers meetings throughout the UK and many problem gamblers find these meetings helpful. You may also need practical help:

Managing your debts.
Dealing with family problems.
Treat other psychological/psychiatric problems - eg, depression.

Medication

No medication is licensed for the treatment of problem gambling in the UK, but antidepressants can be prescribed to help with low mood.

What if I don’t get help?

About a third of problem gamblers will recover on their own, without treatment, and about 2 in 3 will continue to have problems, which tend to get worse.

How to get help and when

Don’t wait until life does not seem worth living. If you get help, you will feel better and avoid many problems with your life and health.

You can refer yourself by calling or emailing the contacts below:

NHS: CNWL National Problem Gambling Clinic: Tel: 020 7534 6699; further details below.
Gamcare: Helpline 0808 8020 133.
Gordon Moody Association: Tel: 01384 241 292; email: info@gordonmoody.org.uk.
GA (Gamblers Anonymous): http://www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk/.

Living with a problem gambler

Being married to or a partner of a problem gambler - or being their parent or child - is hard and can be distressing.
Your loved one will probably have tried to hide the size of the problem from you, while they have at the same time borrowed or stolen to pay off debts.
If, with the help of the 10 questions above, you can see that gambling is a problem for someone in your family, it's best to be honest with him or her about it. They need to know about the pain and trouble they are causing other people and that help is there for them.
If your gambling relative doesn't take any notice, you can get support for yourself from one of the services listed at the end of the leaflet. There are groups and individual sessions to support family members.

References